Thursday, June 26, 2014

What do I want to do when I grow up...

God has taken me on an amazing journey with this: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV) 

Years ago, while trying to finish up with college, I dusted off a Bible and sought some kind of direction. I found these verses and they did bring comfort and consolation. The 'in all your ways' part sounded good, but was something I was almost numb or blind to. Back then, I didn't truly bring God into the ways of my thinking, my first marriage, my daily actions, church attendance, or any other area of my life. But, I felt desperate when facing the huge crossroads of school days being over and really starting in the workplace. The battle within may have sounded like: you mean I'm supposed to know what I should do the rest of my life now that I'm "grown up"?!

God drew me back to those verses when I found myself in the first year of teaching: an assistant in alternative school one semester, and assisting with the severe/profound/autistic students at an elementary school the next semester. I would go to the break room or bathroom and pull out a small, green Gideon New Testament and pour over the words to try and get enough strength to go back in and survive the classroom. A lot happened during and after those 6 years of teaching. Going through that time in life was invaluable. I've always loved learning and valued education. The experience from those opportunities was great, but I still had a sick soul in need of more...more or what, I just didn't know yet. So the search was on; I went down a path of relying on my own thinking, feelings, understanding, and reasoning, up until I tried to end it all because of my dark, clouded depression. Desperation seemed to always drive me to something beyond myself. For years, it was in all the wrong things. But God has a greater plan than any of us can envision; my physical life didn't end, for my journey was just beginning.

Fast forward to 2009, and God had been drawing me to Himself with an overwhelming desire to change. The fear of staying the same began to outweigh the fear of changing. I was born again, and fear was replaced with faith. To build upon faith, I began to grow in love for the amazing, transforming power of the Living Word of God. We are each given a measure of faith, so wherever you are on your journey today, you can trust and acknowledge the goodness of the Lord for YOUR life...and beyond!

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