Thanks and Giving

I love this time of year. It's nice to live in an area that has 4 distinct seasons. November ushers in cooler temps, brilliantly colored leaves, and a familiar feeling of holidays soon approaching. Many begin to voice what they're thankful for with the arrival of autumn and Thanksgiving Day around the corner. 

On this journey with God, being thankful has taken on a brand new meaning as I learn and grow and unfold this spectacular gift that He has made available to us through His Son, Jesus--the radiance of God's glory. I love how Max Lucado described gold-drenched sunsets and diamond-studded night skies: "Appetizers of Heaven."

It seems very fitting that Thanks and Giving should go hand in hand. This journey with God, a love walk with our Savior, becomes a lifestyle of being thankful and a lifestyle of giving. I heard someone ask if, under the law, they were to give 10%, what should we give now, under grace? Ten per cent may be a good starting place, but I want to learn to give as a part of who I am, with what I've been blessed with, and in response to how God has given so freely to me and to our family. Anyone with the means to read this, to have electricity, to have been educated, to be breathing with heart pumping right now, is so blessed!

Yes, I'm thankful, and I want to say so. I've been blessed with this new life, and I want to be a blessing. It's been a journey. Charity may come naturally to some, but I have to work at it, be creative with it, and not be stingy or self-centered--on purpose! Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. This is something to celebrate and remember often. When the old has passed away and the new has come to stay, it's wonderful to keep yourself "stirred up" and be full till overflowing with Thanks in our heart and Giving as a way of life...because we have the opportunity to receive the greatest gift of all: life eternal through Jesus Christ, our Lord and our Savior. May you enjoy each season, as we all journey to become full till overflowing with continual Thanks and a heart of Gratitude.

Lonely But Never Alone

There's no greater lonely than being surrounded by people and still feeling alone. At a young age I started with this vague sense that everyone knew what was going on, somehow they knew what they were doing, why they were there--and I was sort of on the outside looking in. It was different with family; I did have a sense of belonging there. But you know as you grow up, you want to be around friends and in relationships where you feel special, loved, or they give you that attention that you want so much.

We are built for relationship. It's no wonder we tend to reach beyond family at an early age. If there's been no guarding of your heart--and your emotions--you can get entangled in all sorts of bad relationships that begin with excitement or good feelings, and, in time, habit, routine, and fear of being alone can keep you there.

Some of the best learned lessons are the hardest to go through. On this side of my journey, I get how important it is to be so deeply rooted in God's Word, to be grounded in His stability, so we are not torn to the core permanently when others reject us, hurt us, neglect us, or unknowingly cause pain. That will all happen in relationship. It's the main reason we must know WHO WE ARE in Christ. He becomes our Rock and our Stability. He already knew how we would disappoint or mess up or outright sin again--yet His love for us never changes.

What we desperately look for in other people is what God is readily offering to us now. We seek contentment, fulfillment, completion, or joy. If we don't know where to look, we find a little temporary happiness here or there, all determined by circumstance or how we perceive others to be treating us.

So a word of encouragement to you is this: God is so much more, so much bigger, so loving, completely forgiving, and THE BEST RELATIONSHIP YOU WILL EVER HAVE. When we get things right with Him, all other things in life can start to be what they should be. It's a journey! Don't get stuck in regret, disappointment, or skepticism. This life is too precious to waste our days. May yours be blessed!

The Beauty of a Heart

A heart is a beautiful thing. It's fragile yet pumps life. It's softened at times, and hardened at times. Hearts mean a lot to me. There were lots of years I didn't value my own heart. Each beat went unrecognized by me, until it was in pain--the unseen, aching, very real pain from something or someone or myself. But after I let Jesus take over my heart, tenderize it, give it a brand new nature, it started to pump His goodness throughout my life, and even the overflow was amazingly Him. 

 

I knew a little about the verse on the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. I liked the sound of those 9 qualities: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. After the old, stony heart has been replaced with a tender, responsive heart, the amazing journey begins. Fruit begins to develop!

 

For me, I needed peace. It was good to read Scripture where Jesus says: My peace I leave with you, and it's a gift the world cannot give (paraphrased from John 14:27). I began to realize I had all the good things God has promised us...I just needed to begin to walk in them. 

 

First, it was peace. Once you experience God's peace after living in the world's chaos and drama you will actively pursue it and work to maintain it. Strife can't stay. 

Then, He began to reveal joy to me. For someone who seemed mostly melancholy, pessimistic, deeply analyzing, and self-focused, joy was a very real breath of fresh air. It's as if my personality was even being transformed. 

 

Next, it was LOVE. And He used the heart shape to get my attention. I took some pictures, and have now for months, of the hearts I see in many different places. Some are for a moment--no time for a camera--but I smile and am encouraged nonetheless. It was during those initial "love" moments that God really began to teach me about love--His amazing, unconditional, all-consuming love. His love for me, my love for Him, love for others, and a balanced love for myself. When you get a revelation for yourself of God's amazing love for you, it's when there's really no going back. Jesus defines you. Scripture takes on new meaning for you. Wave after wave of God's grace rolls in. His mercy soaks deep to the core, and you will begin to reflect the change you've experienced and the love you've encountered; the change will be apparent. 

 

I encourage you to embrace the changes God is bringing about in your life. Don't let fear hold you back from God's best for you. If we let the unknown and uncertainties hold us back in life, we won't fully live and thrive--we just survive. Life with God is so much more! This is the most exciting journey, beyond your wildest dreams, when you choose to live by faith. To have hope and be renewed by the living Word of God is so miraculous. Determine to live amazed, remember and be thankful for what you've been through, then LIVE! May your life reflect the love and goodness of our amazing God. He is worth it--life in Him is worth it all--because you have already begun living your eternity!

 

Wherever we go, that's where the party's at!

When our daughter was 4, she heard this song by the Newsboys and belted out, "Wherever we go, dats where da potty's at!" She thought it had something to do with pull-ups or diapers. I still smile when I hear that song, but it goes even deeper than that sweet memory. 
 
Not too many years ago, I would throw a pretty big fit when it was time to leave the party or club. My friends were patient and tolerated it, but I remember not wanting to go back to reality. My downward spiral had begun years earlier, with some underage drinking and basically living a double life depending on who I was around at the time. I had several suicidal type thoughts, but it all stemmed from an identity crisis and no real, lasting happiness. I was hopeless and lost in a prison of my own making. One night, I did try to take so many drugs that I wouldn't wake up. It was because of this hopelessness, the darkness that surrounded my mind, and I just wanted the numbing hurt to end. After life support on a ventilator, I did live. There was a spark that built up in me, rather slowly, but it was a faint knowing that there was something more. 
 
During that journey of a few years, Kelly and I married. We had our daughter a little before our 2 year anniversary. Things were rocky at best. There was still this overwhelming desire for change. Though my outward circumstances seemed to be ok (as they always had), there was still a war raging in my mind. After a fairly long while in church--hearing the Word of God taught in truth and love--I came to a point where I no longer wanted to play games. No church games. No religious games. No "everything's fine" games. I wanted what makes no sense to the human mind: full surrender. I had tried all the ways I knew or had seen others living, and really just wanted to be happy. I had to lay aside what I kept telling myself since 16 years old...when confronted with salvation, the battle inside said "you're ok, you're not a bad person, what will it look like now if I say I wasn't really a Christian all these years!?" So one Sunday morning in February, 2009, I cried out to God to save me. I asked Jesus to come into my heart, to be my Savior, and I trusted Him fully that day to make me what He wanted. 
 
It felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off of me. It was the beginning of this fabulous journey--still with lots of ups and downs--but now I know who I am and why I'm here. I'm a child of the One True King. My identity is eternally secure in Christ. I'm here for as many days as God knows I'm needed here. I don't have to understand everything; I trust Him. 
 
After having pushed through fear and hopelessness, insecurities and tons of sin, I know I'm here to fulfill this purpose for which God created me. I want to always be quick to give God the credit for any good thing about me or that's in my life. (I know the mess I was and that I made when I tried to be in control.) I want to be quick to forgive others and myself. Anger, offense, and guilt would only take me back to that pit I used to stay in before I met my Savior. Life is too brief to go back to misery or darkness or old habits and lifestyles. 
 
So now I wake up every morning, so thankful that I woke up! Each day is an opportunity to learn from life and pursue being closer to my God. I have this eager expectation daily that something good is going to happen. God has given me the desires of my heart. He restored my marriage. He blessed us with an awesome daughter. He allows us to share His goodness with many. 
 
So back to the Newsboys' song...wherever I go truly is where the party's at! I have the Holy Spirit of God inside, directing my path, showering His favor and blessings, and continually bubbling over the joy and peace in me that I had always desperately wanted. I am living life to the fullest and enjoying my days here. Life is a fabulous journey with God at the center.

 

 

Remembering Bailey...Walking With Harley

These 2 sweet Boxers hold a special place in my heart. Bailey passed away on Good Friday this year. She was 13 1/2, and had a wonderful life. I have so many great memories and pictures of these gifts from God; He used them to teach me so much about love, about life, and about the importance of just getting outside, going for a walk, and seeing things from a different perspective.

 

There was a blood moon on Good Friday eve this year. This was a rare thing, and we drove to the water to see if we could capture some pictures that might do it justice. As we drove over Pickwick Dam and saw this spectacular sight, I later realized Bailey was fighting for her life. When we got home, I saw a shell of this beautiful animal who was hanging on, struggling to breathe, shallow eyes not seeing anymore like they once did. I lay in the garage floor holding her, sobbing, praying, telling her it was ok to go now, asking God to ease any suffering.  After a big seizure, she calmed down and slept through the night. The next morning, Kelly did what I could not do. He was with her while she breathed her last breath. I sat and waited at home. It seemed like hours later, he walked through the front door and I could only hold him, cry some more, and say I wasn't sure where she should be buried. I almost wanted to explain my tears, and mumbled out that I had just never been committed to anyone or anything in my life this long, other than this sweet friend of mine, who had protected and loved me unconditionally--and I had determined some time back to be dedicated to her even through the hard times.

 

My husband's love was as evident as ever that day: he said he had already found the perfect place, and we could go see when I was ready. So we loaded up, my precious family with Harley beside Baby Girl in the back seat. Kelly drove us to some family land, with rolling hills whispering God's goodness and weeping willows sharing in my tears. Water could be seen through the bare trees, and the gravesite, freshly dug with a tractor, had a large stone rolled on top that we used as a seat. There were more pictures made that day, more memories, and bittersweet tears that came and went for several days. It was an unforgettable Easter Sunday. If I had been able to love one of God's creatures so much, I was overwhelmed, amazed, and comforted at God's great love for us, the ones He calls His masterpieces. (Ephesians 2:10)

 

So now I walk with Harley, savoring each moment I see God's beauty in nature, thanking Him for His goodness, taking in His creation and celebrating along with it at the grandeur of our Creator. Life is what we make of it. I choose to trade my ashes for beauty, my mourning for His joy, a spirit of despair for a garment of praise. We can live the good life, because God has already made the Way for us through Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

Big City Lights

As I walked around the big city last weekend, I took in the sights and sounds, smells and textures. There was hustle and bustle with fans headed to the stadium to watch the Cardinals play. There were tourists with cameras capturing memories. But I soon caught glimpses of children running and laughing under the Gateway Arch. Then, across the way we saw a flower garden with fountains. I was most amused with a couple dozen birds playing, flipping, and frolicking in the overspray from fountains that puddled on the sidewalk. I snapped a picture with my iPhone, not wanting to forget the moment. 

 

My thoughts were taken to the birds that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?" (Amplified Bible)

 

Those birds weren't looking around wondering where the next worm would come from, or thinking themselves into an anxious frenzy. They could be here today and gone tomorrow. Yet they lived for the moment, enjoying the simple delight of fellowship and cool water. 

 

In context, the verse is even better understood. It is between these 2 verses that beautifully tie the message together into a life-transforming gift that will ease the heart and mind of the constant worrier..."Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?" (vs. 25) "And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life?" (vs. 27)

 

Jesus knew what we would face, so He left us with His gift of peace. He knew what concerns would bother us and He prepared us with His example and the answer to bringing all this together: "But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides." (Matthew 6:33)