What do I want to do when I grow up...

 

God has taken me on an amazing journey with this: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV) 

Years ago, while trying to finish up with college, I dusted off a Bible and sought some kind of direction. I found these verses and they did bring comfort and consolation. The 'in all your ways' part sounded good, but was something I was almost numb or blind to. Back then, I didn't truly bring God into the ways of my thinking, my first marriage, my daily actions, church attendance, or any other area of my life. But, I felt desperate when facing the huge crossroads of school days being over and really starting in the workplace. The battle within may have sounded like: you mean I'm supposed to know what I should do the rest of my life now that I'm "grown up"?!

God drew me back to those verses when I found myself in the first year of teaching: an assistant in alternative school one semester, and assisting with the severe/profound/autistic students at an elementary school the next semester. I would go to the break room or bathroom and pull out a small, green Gideon New Testament and pour over the words to try and get enough strength to go back in and survive the classroom. A lot happened during and after those 6 years of teaching. Going through that time in life was invaluable. I've always loved learning and valued education. The experience from those opportunities was great, but I still had a sick soul in need of more...more or what, I just didn't know yet. So the search was on; I went down a path of relying on my own thinking, feelings, understanding, and reasoning, up until I tried to end it all because of my dark, clouded depression. Desperation seemed to always drive me to something beyond myself. For years, it was in all the wrong things. But God has a greater plan than any of us can envision; my physical life didn't end, for my journey was just beginning.

Fast forward to 2009, and God had been drawing me to Himself with an overwhelming desire to change. The fear of staying the same began to outweigh the fear of changing. I was born again, and fear was replaced with faith. To build upon faith, I began to grow in love for the amazing, transforming power of the Living Word of God. We are each given a measure of faith, so wherever you are on your journey today, you can trust and acknowledge the goodness of the Lord for YOUR life...and beyond!

Smooth Edges

I love my Edge family. The first time or two I was called Mrs. Edge, I looked around for Kelly's mom or grandmother. Just as I grew more and more comfortable with my new last name, I've also been actively learning my true identity...or rather, who I am in Christ. My name changed from child of this world to child of the One True King, and from sinner to saved, and from one hopeless to one filled with confident hope, and also from a soul who was doubting and skeptical to a soul who is sanctified and chosen.

My Daddy in law, who is a great leader in our family, probably didn't realize the wonderful implications of never saying "step-" or "half-" in (what our modern times call) a blended family. We are all, simply, family. I experienced this love from a family in my own home as a child, and now in adulthood with a wonderfully extended family. I'm so thankful that the Edge's include family as family, with no connotations that might imply someone is "less than" part of us.

The examples I've seen from the men in our family, stepping up to lead and guide, reflect the love and tender-hearted mercy of our Heavenly Father. I'm so very thankful for godly men, godly families, and the opportunity each and every person has to be a child of God--regardless of the dysfunction in their own family or circumstances.

You may sense the battle all around. You may be in a valley or on the mountaintop today. There is strength to be seized wherever you might be right now. If it's people trouble, remember 1 John 4:4 says, "But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." (New Living Translation) If it's more of the trouble in your own mind that you seem to create no matter who or what is going on around you, remember Romans 12:2--"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

God gives us open doors and moments of opportunity. We choose what to do with them, and if we'll try to do it in our own strength (which will become very frustrating.) We continually, then completely, learn to lean on, rely on, and trust in God. He is a Good Father. We can each choose to let Him love us into wholeness, as He planned long ago, through the love and tender-hearted mercy we receive from His Son Jesus.

"We know that God's children do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them. We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life." (1 John 5:18-20, NLT)

I thank God for family. I'm doubly blessed to have been raised in a loving, nurturing home, and welcomed into a great, loving family as an adult. My rough edges are still being smoothed out by the sandpaper of life---difficult relationships, low valleys, enemy attacks, busy schedules, out of balance priorities, etc. It's awesome to think of all believers everywhere united in Christ, each with God-given strength to make the most of these days. And one day, we shall all be with our Lord...no more tears, no more inconsistency, no more battle with sin. "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family." (Ephesians 2:19, NLT) Amen!! That's something to shout about! :)

...can't deny the Fruit

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" (Galatians 5:22-23, NLT)

All this fruit is scattered around in my life. There's not been a time that all 9 were bursting forth with ripeness. But, I see how the order they're given in God's Word has been important for me. For instance, Jesus talks about the greatest commandment--love--and in Corinthians Paul says that of things to remain, love is the greatest. For me, I've had to get a revelation about love: loving God, loving others, loving myself. Then, I saw blossoms of joy popping out everywhere. Next, peace follows. With this first fruit beginning to build in my life, patience started to follow. But if I wasn't developing love, joy, and peace on a given day, I saw my patience level plummeting--crash and burn--and hurting those around me. 

Without the fruit of patience being developed in life, there's not much kindness flowing out of a person. It's not fun to be around people like that. Volatile, wondering if they'll explode, basically not knowing what will set them off next: and this is for most people to some degree. My child has probably felt like this when I lose patience with her. Store clerks may have felt this tension before I learned that I don't have to behave this way. Patience is one quality that must develop under trials. Instead of beating ourselves up one more time about it, learn from how it makes you feel when you don't act right. Then you have a better chance at doing what's right the next time you have an opportunity for patience.  

The other qualities that come along are all developed during our walk in this lifetime. Goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness are admirable qualities. I think of my Mama when I hear these words. We never know the impact we have on others, so the Fruit of God's Holy Spirit is a great witness to what He's doing in each of our lives. (You can't argue with Fruit...it is what it is.)

Next, we get to self-control. The last one on the list--and once again the order is very important. I had to get my love walk headed in the right direction first before I could develop some more joy and peace, patience and goodness, and down the list to self-control/self-constraint. When we try to do any of this on our own, we will fail. 

The one factor, the most important thing, (what many church congregations and good-intentioned people leave out) is the POWER of GOD. It is by His Holy Spirit that all things develop, succeed, are peaceful, and point to His love. Don't be overwhelmed when you know there's lots to work on. Start with love---soak up God's love for you, love others, love yourself in a balanced way--so when you take care of yourself--you can be what you need to be for God and the people in your life. Amen!

Let Your Light Shine

This week I had a special friend on my heart, and unexpectedly saw her Thursday night. Our friendship began almost 5 years ago when I went into local neighborhoods with our church to share about Jesus. We had one door shut on us, some not at home, but at this particular house a girl answered the door and we prayed with her. The whole time we were there on the doorstep, someone was inside washing dishes at the sink. (That was my friend I was soon to meet.) 

 

Weeks went by, and the girl we prayed with took the same road she'd been on--addiction, bad relationships, using people to feed her habits. The girl who we heard in the kitchen that day reached out for change. She had not even been in the conversation but was tired of the same cycle of lies and addiction. She was saved, baptized, and has been through many ups and downs. Over time, the relationship with her daughter has been restored and trust has been rebuilt with her mother (who is raising her daughter). She has even recently bought a home! We are talking about someone who went from place to place, never really settling down, who fled when the pressure built up----this is so amazing! It is all God!

 

For those of us who know this dear friend and have watched the transformation unfold, it is absolutely astounding! There is no explanation, but GOD!!! My friend once told me something about the day we knocked and shared about Jesus' love for them: they got in the car that afternoon to go get more drugs as they had planned, they got behind a truck with a big cross in the back window, and were so spooked that they turned around and went home. Conviction had set in, and they each had a choice, as we all do. My heart breaks for the one who chose meth over her children and her own life. But the story isn't over until she takes her last breath. And for those of us who have chosen God for this lifetime, we will celebrate for eternity with our Creator. This will make the struggles we have now seem so insignificant. 

 

The journey in my thoughts this week really began with the fear I once had about witnessing. I was going to generally write about it, but each specific life impacted is important to God, so I'm thankful you took the time to read about what God can do in a life. None of us is too far gone or exempt from His unconditional love. I heard someone say: it's not about going out to witness a few times a year; you ARE a witness in all you do and say, in your normal day to day stuff. This really takes the pressure off, because anyone knows their own life story and what God has done in you or your family. We can learn to say so, whether at the checkout line at the store, or over a long chat, and let someone know about God's goodness in your life. It's important to share this with a world needing hope and love. 

 

"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Colossians 3:17, NKJV)

 

 

Thanks and Giving

I love this time of year. It's nice to live in an area that has 4 distinct seasons. November ushers in cooler temps, brilliantly colored leaves, and a familiar feeling of holidays soon approaching. Many begin to voice what they're thankful for with the arrival of autumn and Thanksgiving Day around the corner. 

On this journey with God, being thankful has taken on a brand new meaning as I learn and grow and unfold this spectacular gift that He has made available to us through His Son, Jesus--the radiance of God's glory. I love how Max Lucado described gold-drenched sunsets and diamond-studded night skies: "Appetizers of Heaven."

It seems very fitting that Thanks and Giving should go hand in hand. This journey with God, a love walk with our Savior, becomes a lifestyle of being thankful and a lifestyle of giving. I heard someone ask if, under the law, they were to give 10%, what should we give now, under grace? Ten per cent may be a good starting place, but I want to learn to give as a part of who I am, with what I've been blessed with, and in response to how God has given so freely to me and to our family. Anyone with the means to read this, to have electricity, to have been educated, to be breathing with heart pumping right now, is so blessed!

Yes, I'm thankful, and I want to say so. I've been blessed with this new life, and I want to be a blessing. It's been a journey. Charity may come naturally to some, but I have to work at it, be creative with it, and not be stingy or self-centered--on purpose! Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. This is something to celebrate and remember often. When the old has passed away and the new has come to stay, it's wonderful to keep yourself "stirred up" and be full till overflowing with Thanks in our heart and Giving as a way of life...because we have the opportunity to receive the greatest gift of all: life eternal through Jesus Christ, our Lord and our Savior. May you enjoy each season, as we all journey to become full till overflowing with continual Thanks and a heart of Gratitude.

Lonely But Never Alone

There's no greater lonely than being surrounded by people and still feeling alone. At a young age I started with this vague sense that everyone knew what was going on, somehow they knew what they were doing, why they were there--and I was sort of on the outside looking in. It was different with family; I did have a sense of belonging there. But you know as you grow up, you want to be around friends and in relationships where you feel special, loved, or they give you that attention that you want so much.

We are built for relationship. It's no wonder we tend to reach beyond family at an early age. If there's been no guarding of your heart--and your emotions--you can get entangled in all sorts of bad relationships that begin with excitement or good feelings, and, in time, habit, routine, and fear of being alone can keep you there.

Some of the best learned lessons are the hardest to go through. On this side of my journey, I get how important it is to be so deeply rooted in God's Word, to be grounded in His stability, so we are not torn to the core permanently when others reject us, hurt us, neglect us, or unknowingly cause pain. That will all happen in relationship. It's the main reason we must know WHO WE ARE in Christ. He becomes our Rock and our Stability. He already knew how we would disappoint or mess up or outright sin again--yet His love for us never changes.

What we desperately look for in other people is what God is readily offering to us now. We seek contentment, fulfillment, completion, or joy. If we don't know where to look, we find a little temporary happiness here or there, all determined by circumstance or how we perceive others to be treating us.

So a word of encouragement to you is this: God is so much more, so much bigger, so loving, completely forgiving, and THE BEST RELATIONSHIP YOU WILL EVER HAVE. When we get things right with Him, all other things in life can start to be what they should be. It's a journey! Don't get stuck in regret, disappointment, or skepticism. This life is too precious to waste our days. May yours be blessed!

The Beauty of a Heart

A heart is a beautiful thing. It's fragile yet pumps life. It's softened at times, and hardened at times. Hearts mean a lot to me. There were lots of years I didn't value my own heart. Each beat went unrecognized by me, until it was in pain--the unseen, aching, very real pain from something or someone or myself. But after I let Jesus take over my heart, tenderize it, give it a brand new nature, it started to pump His goodness throughout my life, and even the overflow was amazingly Him. 

 

I knew a little about the verse on the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. I liked the sound of those 9 qualities: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. After the old, stony heart has been replaced with a tender, responsive heart, the amazing journey begins. Fruit begins to develop!

 

For me, I needed peace. It was good to read Scripture where Jesus says: My peace I leave with you, and it's a gift the world cannot give (paraphrased from John 14:27). I began to realize I had all the good things God has promised us...I just needed to begin to walk in them. 

 

First, it was peace. Once you experience God's peace after living in the world's chaos and drama you will actively pursue it and work to maintain it. Strife can't stay. 

Then, He began to reveal joy to me. For someone who seemed mostly melancholy, pessimistic, deeply analyzing, and self-focused, joy was a very real breath of fresh air. It's as if my personality was even being transformed. 

 

Next, it was LOVE. And He used the heart shape to get my attention. I took some pictures, and have now for months, of the hearts I see in many different places. Some are for a moment--no time for a camera--but I smile and am encouraged nonetheless. It was during those initial "love" moments that God really began to teach me about love--His amazing, unconditional, all-consuming love. His love for me, my love for Him, love for others, and a balanced love for myself. When you get a revelation for yourself of God's amazing love for you, it's when there's really no going back. Jesus defines you. Scripture takes on new meaning for you. Wave after wave of God's grace rolls in. His mercy soaks deep to the core, and you will begin to reflect the change you've experienced and the love you've encountered; the change will be apparent. 

 

I encourage you to embrace the changes God is bringing about in your life. Don't let fear hold you back from God's best for you. If we let the unknown and uncertainties hold us back in life, we won't fully live and thrive--we just survive. Life with God is so much more! This is the most exciting journey, beyond your wildest dreams, when you choose to live by faith. To have hope and be renewed by the living Word of God is so miraculous. Determine to live amazed, remember and be thankful for what you've been through, then LIVE! May your life reflect the love and goodness of our amazing God. He is worth it--life in Him is worth it all--because you have already begun living your eternity!