My man has stepped up...now what?

I have rolled this thought around for a while wanting to write and encourage some very special people out there. Whether you are the girl struggling to keep it all together, or the guy who has fought change, you are that special one. If you have endured through the lonely, hard days, you are that special one. If you know there's got to be more than what you've been living, you are that special one. And if none of this applies to you, but you see lots of dysfunctional people around, you are that special one. This post originated while thinking about the society we live in today. Families are under attack. Marriage seems to be an option some throw around lightly. Children are bombarded with media and entertainment unlike any other time in history. Our very identity and purpose for being alive have been skewed and the scales covering our eyes make things blurry and gray. This is all opposite of the goodness of God. There is absolute Truth (without this deception of it being relevant to the time and place we live.) God does not change.

With this being said, I want to share how God got my attention, saved my life, my husband's life, and restored our marriage to something more beautiful than I ever thought possible. I grew up going to church most Sunday mornings. It was a comfortable place, and I liked routine. Even with good intentions, there was always some shame associated with going. I inevitably made my mother late every week and she likes to be early everywhere. Still, it always made me feel good when we would go out to eat Sunday dinner after church, knowing I had been that morning. I always heard the Christian life was about a personal decision we make. Yet I had blinders on for years because I equated "personal" with things we don't talk about--things we keep private (kind of like your social security number and other personal information.) The thing I realize now is church and religion were only about information to me...it had not yet become revelation to me.

I had up's and down's like any person alive. I tried to make sense of life and purpose by searching for identity...in all the wrong places. As a child, I was ok for a while in my family's identity. But somehow, I always felt a little odd or out of place. I searched for fulfillment in friendships, education, boyfriends, cars, clothes, shacking up, drinking, and eventually drugs. I share those details at times, but what I was living in was sin. There's no need to justify any of the things I chose to do; I was separated from God and in a slow, downhill spiral. The devil didn't care that my first wine coolers at 15 took another 15 years to escalate to much more alcohol, drugs, and a suicide attempt. Each one of us has God Potential, so satan will try to destroy our souls to keep us from re-connecting to our heavenly Father.

Even after divorce, even after addiction, even after cycles of anti-depressants, even after years of wanting what I wanted, God still had a good plan--a God Plan--for me. When my husband and I had been married for a year, we found out I was going to have a baby. There was a shift in my purpose, my identity. Having our precious daughter is how God spoke to my heart and wooed me to Himself. It's really a fabulous story. My new love between parent and child mirrored the love between Father and me. Regardless of how I had run from Him, denied Him, argued with Him, broke His heart with my rebellious, calloused heart...He pursued me.

I chose Jesus. I actively choose Him every day. It took a while for His love and fruit to start popping out in my life, but they blossomed because I was so hungry to know Him and His Word. In those early days, my husband did good for a while, then went on selfish tangents of whatever he wanted to do. I was angry in the beginning. Not because of some spiritual holiness, but because he could go out and get drunk and high "with no responsibilities", and "I had a baby to protect." (Of course, that was not accurate on either of our parts.) Kelly had a battle raging inside I didn't understand until a few years later; I needed to get myself right before I was really a protector for our child.

Much later I heard my husband say that I was a constant reminder of the failure he felt he was. I was quick to point out his mistakes from the past month when he'd walk through the front door. It usually happened after he had been doing good that day. He felt like I would tear him apart whether he was doing right or wrong, so what was the point?! Meanwhile, I had started back to church and took our daughter to the nursery there. I needed some grown up time and a break from constant baby stuff. I was coming out of a pit of self-isolation. I was becoming so hungry for change--and for the Word-- that I began to focus more on what God needed to do in me than in my husband. I remember the week God dealt with me about being consumed with changing Kelly, and I needed to leave that in God's hands and trust Him. I asked God to make me pleasant. (I actually begged Him, because I was really obsessed with my own thoughts and feelings.) My dear husband describes that as the week I stopped nagging him. Whatever words you put to it, God was dealing with both of us...appealing to our hearts as a man and woman. God did draw us closer to Himself. He did restore our marriage. The thing is, we each had to choose God first--completely and foremost.

 

My strong desire to change, to love God, and to seek His will for my life has bloomed into a divine love affair. An exciting, new Life abounds through the mercy, love, and grace of our Almighty God. There's no denying that marriage is one of the most difficult relationships we have. There's also no denying it is one of the most fulfilling. To trust on this level, to commit yourself to the other, to shower mercy when you both know it's undeserved--what a beautiful picture of marriage, and our Lord Jesus and Father God.

So as the title of this shows, my man did step up. He did choose to put God first. (I do want to say that I realized early on I was accountable to God; I had to do what was right regardless of what my husband chose to do.) I did become more pleasant, with God's help. I let the Word of God fill me up and transform my thinking. I began to see the Fruit of the Spirit abounding in my life and in our home. I was addicted! [You know what I mean if you've experienced this peace after living in chaos, and this joy after living in hopelessness.] My husband was drawn to this new hope I had found, this new Life I had encountered with Jesus. I quit making him feel so bad about himself on purpose and allowed God to have His way with me, and with my husband. When my focus changed, everything else got clear.

If you can relate to any of this, God may be dealing with you about change in your life. To you sweet girls out there praying for your man to step up and be the leader in your home, that is a God-given desire. I say pray with all the fervency you can, because you are possibly fighting for his soul and the souls of your children and family and anyone he has influence on. I also want to say prepare yourself for when your man changes. Study now how to be the best wife to him. Put it into practice today, even if he is still in the same old deadly cycle. Don't be caught off guard like I was when your man is ready to step up and you must take your place. Not as a second-rate member in your union, but as the great helper God has created you to be! We are divinely created, uniquely different. Don't fall into a power struggle. When your man steps into who God has called him to be, you will be taken care of. And remember to continually pray for him; he is under assault with a vengeance from our great adversary. You can pray for your man like no other person on the planet. Wherever you are on this journey, let God be your Source of strength. He will never disappoint. You will become so passionate about your walk with Him that others will be drawn to what you've discovered. Enjoy your journey, and each gift of today.

I Choose Joy

I like to write about joy these days. I like to say out loud: the joy of the Lord is my strength, and, may the God of all hope fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him--then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. It's because of experiencing the flip side of hope, joy, and peace that I so adoringly speak these words very often now. It's because I remember those days of constant, underlying uneasiness, of dread, shame, anger, fear, resentment, hopelessness, etc., that I now embrace this peace and joy today. 

 

Don't get me wrong. I still have times I'm utterly disgusted with my "human-ness." I have days that are difficult and hard. I have mood swings. Sometimes it's predictable; other times it hits from nowhere. It can stem from the pressure of a busy season. Sometimes it's the basic physiology of being a female. The thing I like to remind myself is that the good days far outweigh the bad days. Even in the harder days, I search for goodness in the details of whatever is going on. Whether it's the storm brewing on the outside or the battle raging inside, there is still a calm, peaceful place to be found when God is your center. 

 

Of all the power, counsel, comfort, help, strength, advocacy, and interceding--which is what each believer has through the Holy Spirit--I stay first and foremost amazed at the joy we can experience (despite circumstances!) All the grasping I did to try and force some happiness was futile those days before salvation. No wonder! I tried on my own. How exhausting to even think we can control things in our life!

 

I want to encourage anyone who understands that heaviness of heart, that unexplained feeling that something will go wrong, or that underlying sadness that just shouldn't be there. First and foremost, you must be born again. (see John 3:3, as Jesus answered these questions for Nicodemus) If you are born again, but often battle depressed feelings or undercurrents of sadness or unrest, God is your ever-present source of help. Maybe it's hormones, and a doctor's wisdom could help. Maybe it's diet, and you know what to do but keep making unwise choices. I would say (from experience) that if you still just have an unhappiness about you, it's quite possible that you are grieving the Holy Spirit. 

 

Ephesians 4:30 in the Amplified Bible says not to grieve, offend, vex, or sadden the Holy Spirit of God. When you read the next two verses it lists things that will grieve Him (like bitterness, indignation, wrath, rage, bad temper, anger, animosity, quarreling, brawling, clamor, contention, slander, evil-speaking, malice, ill will, or abusive, foul, polluting, blasphemous language.)

If you're a believer, you have the Spirit of God living on the inside of you. Some of us habitually and constantly think, say, watch, and do things that are grieving our inner Spirit. 

 

May you be encouraged to think about your choices, think about where your life is headed, think about what's been on your mind, think about how you talk, and be guided by the Holy Spirit to make eternity your focus so you can truly enjoy here and now. God bless you!

 

Check THAT Off Your List

Lists. For my fellow list-makers out there, how do we get it all done without those little sticky notes and the magnetic notepad on the fridge--just waiting for things to be written down and accomplished in a day or a week. I tried memory for a while, and found that I floated from one project to another without getting much of anything done. Or, I could easily become legalistic about "my list," and not get the most important things done because of trying to get stuff checked off for the day. I could easily tend to feel good about getting my list all done by the end of the day, or feeling lousy if it's not all checked off. 

 

So here's another lesson on balance and self-worth: God must bring the balance, and I must take self out of it. I'm not more loved if my day is super productive. I'm not a failure if I wasted more time than I should have. Worth and value do not come from things accomplished, but from the love of Jesus that resonates in our lives as the driving force of who we are and what we do. It's really not about us. It is about how we choose to use this time we've been given. It is all about Jesus, and what He can do in and through us. 

 

Someone in your life today may need to be told they are loved, simply for who they are and not what they do. Children need this so they don't feel like only grades or sports or activities give them value. Adults need this because we often place value on strengths, talents, and what we have or get accomplished. 

 

You are God's prized possession. Out of all creation, you are His masterpiece. Just read Ephesians 2:10, or better yet, verses 1-10, to see for yourself how you are made alive in Christ. In Him, you are a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come. He couldn't possibly love you any more (or less) depending on how your day is...He IS love! And He loves you completely now and perfectly always because He created you and sees what you can and will be when He is your center. Have a great day, productive in the love of Christ that overflows from a heart that is rooted and grounded in Him!

 

"We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:1-3, NLT)

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." (Proverbs 19:21, NLT)

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:8-10, NLT)

 

 

 

'tis the Season

In the back corner of our bedroom, there's a candle sitting beside some family pictures and a lamp. When I open or close the blinds that surround the small sitting area there, I can smell that candle even when it's not lit. I don't think I've burned it since last fall; it probably has a name like Pumpkin Spice or Autumn Medley. But I've noticed that when I'm near it, the smallest whiff takes me back to memories of cooler weather, football season, grilling out, beautiful leaves, and an overall feeling of welcome familiarity. 

 

In learning to enjoy each day and each season, God is teaching me a great thing. As He often does, the lesson actually began with a question: what are you waiting for to be happy? The word could be happy, or satisfied, or content, or enough, or to enjoy life, etc. We each fill in our own blank, and we ask our own question along life's way. 

 

I began this joy-journey (learning to have joy despite up or down circumstances) and I've had to become keenly--often, painfully--aware of what steals my joy. There are a lot of predictable, general things that are potential joy-stealers. Therefore, I must stay equipped to fight those attacks. 

 

I've found that when I'm prepared for these enemy attacks because of the season or struggles I'm in--and he CAN'T get me rattled as he once did--I'll have strange, weird things happen. I've actually laughed out loud before, knowing the devil was throwing what he could at me. The difference is, I'm a new creation in Christ now. I know who I am in Christ (so my own weaknesses don't really matter that much any more.) I know that if I say I trust God and I have faith in Him, it must be put into practice--so why constantly worry, fear, dread, feel insecure, or keep a record of wrongs?

 

The first part of 2 Corinthians 2:15 says, "Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God." (NLT) May the fragrance of each of our lives be such that when life adds heat, or things seem great at the moment, or there's a lot of turmoil around, we are the same. This can only be so when Jesus is our center. We are ever-changing. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. We need His stability. He desires our intimate, all-in relationship, and our fulfilling the purpose He created us for--long before we were at this place and time. 

 

What do I want to do when I grow up...

 

God has taken me on an amazing journey with this: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV) 

Years ago, while trying to finish up with college, I dusted off a Bible and sought some kind of direction. I found these verses and they did bring comfort and consolation. The 'in all your ways' part sounded good, but was something I was almost numb or blind to. Back then, I didn't truly bring God into the ways of my thinking, my first marriage, my daily actions, church attendance, or any other area of my life. But, I felt desperate when facing the huge crossroads of school days being over and really starting in the workplace. The battle within may have sounded like: you mean I'm supposed to know what I should do the rest of my life now that I'm "grown up"?!

God drew me back to those verses when I found myself in the first year of teaching: an assistant in alternative school one semester, and assisting with the severe/profound/autistic students at an elementary school the next semester. I would go to the break room or bathroom and pull out a small, green Gideon New Testament and pour over the words to try and get enough strength to go back in and survive the classroom. A lot happened during and after those 6 years of teaching. Going through that time in life was invaluable. I've always loved learning and valued education. The experience from those opportunities was great, but I still had a sick soul in need of more...more or what, I just didn't know yet. So the search was on; I went down a path of relying on my own thinking, feelings, understanding, and reasoning, up until I tried to end it all because of my dark, clouded depression. Desperation seemed to always drive me to something beyond myself. For years, it was in all the wrong things. But God has a greater plan than any of us can envision; my physical life didn't end, for my journey was just beginning.

Fast forward to 2009, and God had been drawing me to Himself with an overwhelming desire to change. The fear of staying the same began to outweigh the fear of changing. I was born again, and fear was replaced with faith. To build upon faith, I began to grow in love for the amazing, transforming power of the Living Word of God. We are each given a measure of faith, so wherever you are on your journey today, you can trust and acknowledge the goodness of the Lord for YOUR life...and beyond!

Smooth Edges

I love my Edge family. The first time or two I was called Mrs. Edge, I looked around for Kelly's mom or grandmother. Just as I grew more and more comfortable with my new last name, I've also been actively learning my true identity...or rather, who I am in Christ. My name changed from child of this world to child of the One True King, and from sinner to saved, and from one hopeless to one filled with confident hope, and also from a soul who was doubting and skeptical to a soul who is sanctified and chosen.

My Daddy in law, who is a great leader in our family, probably didn't realize the wonderful implications of never saying "step-" or "half-" in (what our modern times call) a blended family. We are all, simply, family. I experienced this love from a family in my own home as a child, and now in adulthood with a wonderfully extended family. I'm so thankful that the Edge's include family as family, with no connotations that might imply someone is "less than" part of us.

The examples I've seen from the men in our family, stepping up to lead and guide, reflect the love and tender-hearted mercy of our Heavenly Father. I'm so very thankful for godly men, godly families, and the opportunity each and every person has to be a child of God--regardless of the dysfunction in their own family or circumstances.

You may sense the battle all around. You may be in a valley or on the mountaintop today. There is strength to be seized wherever you might be right now. If it's people trouble, remember 1 John 4:4 says, "But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." (New Living Translation) If it's more of the trouble in your own mind that you seem to create no matter who or what is going on around you, remember Romans 12:2--"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

God gives us open doors and moments of opportunity. We choose what to do with them, and if we'll try to do it in our own strength (which will become very frustrating.) We continually, then completely, learn to lean on, rely on, and trust in God. He is a Good Father. We can each choose to let Him love us into wholeness, as He planned long ago, through the love and tender-hearted mercy we receive from His Son Jesus.

"We know that God's children do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them. We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life." (1 John 5:18-20, NLT)

I thank God for family. I'm doubly blessed to have been raised in a loving, nurturing home, and welcomed into a great, loving family as an adult. My rough edges are still being smoothed out by the sandpaper of life---difficult relationships, low valleys, enemy attacks, busy schedules, out of balance priorities, etc. It's awesome to think of all believers everywhere united in Christ, each with God-given strength to make the most of these days. And one day, we shall all be with our Lord...no more tears, no more inconsistency, no more battle with sin. "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family." (Ephesians 2:19, NLT) Amen!! That's something to shout about! :)

...can't deny the Fruit

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" (Galatians 5:22-23, NLT)

All this fruit is scattered around in my life. There's not been a time that all 9 were bursting forth with ripeness. But, I see how the order they're given in God's Word has been important for me. For instance, Jesus talks about the greatest commandment--love--and in Corinthians Paul says that of things to remain, love is the greatest. For me, I've had to get a revelation about love: loving God, loving others, loving myself. Then, I saw blossoms of joy popping out everywhere. Next, peace follows. With this first fruit beginning to build in my life, patience started to follow. But if I wasn't developing love, joy, and peace on a given day, I saw my patience level plummeting--crash and burn--and hurting those around me. 

Without the fruit of patience being developed in life, there's not much kindness flowing out of a person. It's not fun to be around people like that. Volatile, wondering if they'll explode, basically not knowing what will set them off next: and this is for most people to some degree. My child has probably felt like this when I lose patience with her. Store clerks may have felt this tension before I learned that I don't have to behave this way. Patience is one quality that must develop under trials. Instead of beating ourselves up one more time about it, learn from how it makes you feel when you don't act right. Then you have a better chance at doing what's right the next time you have an opportunity for patience.  

The other qualities that come along are all developed during our walk in this lifetime. Goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness are admirable qualities. I think of my Mama when I hear these words. We never know the impact we have on others, so the Fruit of God's Holy Spirit is a great witness to what He's doing in each of our lives. (You can't argue with Fruit...it is what it is.)

Next, we get to self-control. The last one on the list--and once again the order is very important. I had to get my love walk headed in the right direction first before I could develop some more joy and peace, patience and goodness, and down the list to self-control/self-constraint. When we try to do any of this on our own, we will fail. 

The one factor, the most important thing, (what many church congregations and good-intentioned people leave out) is the POWER of GOD. It is by His Holy Spirit that all things develop, succeed, are peaceful, and point to His love. Don't be overwhelmed when you know there's lots to work on. Start with love---soak up God's love for you, love others, love yourself in a balanced way--so when you take care of yourself--you can be what you need to be for God and the people in your life. Amen!